"Went down to see my VA man - he said 'son don't you understand"

We have now reached a critical stage in the George Nickel matter.

As most readers of The Long Walk Home know, last summer Staff Sergeant Nickel was involved in an incident in Boise, Idaho. The most important and salient facts at this point are that no one was hurt and that no one was killed. All the other facts are collateral.

In December the prosecutor agreed to dismiss five of the six charges in return for Staff Sergeant Nickel pleading guilty to a charge of discharging a firearm into an occupied building. Sentencing was scheduled for 1 February, however it was continued until April because the pre-sentencing investigation has not been completed.

The prosecutor has indicated she would like a maximum sentence in this matter, fifteen years in the state penitentiary, however she is willing to enter into an agreement whereby Staff Sergeant Nickel would enter treatment for his Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) in a secure medical facility.

The problem is the Veteran's Administration does not have secure medical facilities. So we have the irresistible force of the prosecutors office meeting the immovable object of the Veteran's Administration. My understanding (and I am sure someone will indignantly correct me if I am wrong) is the state of Idaho has secure medical facilitates capable of treating Staff Sergeant Nickel, however it requires the Federal and State bureaucracies to work together. If you have ever worked with or for the Government at any level you can probably see the problem. Someone or thing is going to need to "give."

When I take my connection to Staff Sergeant Nickel out of the picture, I can understand the prosecutors problem. Change the facts just a little and many people would be calling for a long jail sentence. The prosecutor has an absolute duty to protect the people of her jurisdiction.

In my mind the VA could be doing more to find Staff Sergeant Nickel the appropriate treatment. I have had a brief conversation with VA Representatives and they assure me they are doing all that they can, however as I told the gentlemen I spoke with "Call me skeptical."

So the issue for those of us interested in Staff Sergeant Nickel's treatment is this, can we get the prosecutor to be more flexible and can we push the VA to do more. I think the answer is yes.

The public needs to let the relevant decision makers, all of who work for you, the taxpayer, know how you feel. Citizens of Idaho, and in particular Ada County, can let the prosecutor know that while you appreciate the concern for your security, you also appreciate what Staff Sergeant Nickel and his fellow Idaho Army Reservists did in Iraq. People from out of the area (and I am looking at many of my fellow Springsteen fans up and down the coasts) can let the prosecutors know this case has national attention.

You can write, and I suggest snail mail letters to demonstrate your seriousness to

Greg Bower, Ada County Prosecutor
Shawna Dunn, Asst Prosecutor
Ada County Prosecutor's Office
200 West Front Street, Room 3191
Boise, ID 83702

I urge you to be polite and respectful to these people. This is not personal to them. Profanity and threats would be counter-productive. A friend who has already written them wrote -

I of course recognize that my own knowledge of this situation is, like that of anyone else interested in this matter, inherently incomplete. I also appreciate that the psychological issues presented in this situation are complex. Finally, I fully understand the seriousness of the acts of Mr. Nickel on July 28, 2009, and do not mean in any way to minimize or trivialize them. However, based on my understanding of all of the background facts concerning Mr. Nickel’s case, as well as my personal confidence in the judgment of Mr. Coulson, I write to express my opinion that Mr. Nickel should not be criminally prosecuted in this case, and certainly not with the goal of securing a 15-year sentence for him, as I am informed your office intends to pursue.

I think he puts this professionally and politely. That is what we need to be, polite and professional and urge compromise.

Conversely we need to write, again snail mail demonstrating seriousness, to the Veteran's Administration urging them to do more to present alternatives to incarceration for Staff Sergeant Nickel. You need to write two people -

The Honorable Eric Shinseki
Secretary of Veteran's Affairs
810 Vermont Avenue, NW
Washington, DC 20420

and

Ms. Sue Hicks, OEF/OIF Coordinator
Boise VA Medical Center
500 West Fort Street
Boise ID 83702

What ever rules and regulations may be blocking some sort of resolution of this matter that benefit both the community and the American War Hero Staff Sergeant George Nickel can be waived or adjusted. They do not exist for the mere reason to exist; they should exist to help the Veteran. I urge you again to be polite and respectful in all correspondence.

Finally I would note the Boise Chief of Police, has written to the Idaho Congressional Delegation to urge help for Staff Sergeant Nickel and other vets suffering from the unseen wounds of PTSD and TBI. I urge you to add them to your letter writing. They are -

Senator Mike Crapo
239 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING
WASHINGTON DC 20510

Senator James E. Risch
483 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE
WASHINGTON DC 20510

Representative Mike Simpson
2312 Rayburn House Office Building
Washington, D.C. 20515

Representative Walt Minnick
1517 Longworth House Office Building
Washington D.C. 20515

Additionally I would suggest writing to the Governor of Idaho. Staff Sergeant Nickel has many years of service to the State in the Department of Corrections.

Governor C.L. "Butch" Otter
Office of the Governor
PO Box 83720
Boise, Idaho 83720

We need to be motivated and tell our public servants what serves the people of Idaho and the United States the best; balancing the security of our communities with the needs of our veterans. It could be any of us in that apartment, and for those of us that have seen our friends killed and wounded it could have been any of us in Staff Sergeant Nickels boots. If we flood them with letters we can influence the outcome. Please write now and pass this on.

"The poets down here don't write nothing at all"

This blog has been harder to do than I thought it would be. Sorry about that.

On the bright side though I have finally started on a book about Iraq.

"Take a knife and cut this pain from my heart"

I am a demonstrative person when it comes to my emotions. Certainly as I have gotten older and more experienced I have worked to reign that in certain circumstances so that I will actually accomplish my goal for that situation. I would think it rare for someone to meet me and not know how I felt about a certain situation or issue. Imagine my surprise last night to find how I had compartmentalized the emotion of grief in my life.

Last night Mrs. Badger Six decided we needed to watch Marley and Me on HBO. Now I don't do dog movies. Movies that want to impart us with some sort of life lesson invariably require some form of loss. In dog movies that can only mean one thing. The dog dies at the end. I love my dogs beyond all reason and I suppose I will have to accept that they will most likely not outlive me, but at as they are both seven years old I should have a few years before I have to deal with that fact.

During the short period of the film I went through the Five Stages of Grief. At first I was in denial about how the movie would. I had never seen it nor had I read the book. Soon though I was angry at having the movie on as we were cooking dinner. In the second half I was bargaining with myself about watching it; I wanted to enjoy the movie about the dog, but I did not want to deal with what I knew the end had to be. As Marley first got sick in the film I became depressed; depressed that I knew I would watch and what the end would have to be. As the credits rolled after Marley was buried, I accepted that he was dead and buried my head in my hands and sobbed. As much as I knew what the end would be I was surprised at how much it had impacted me.

After I returned from Iraq my mother told me I could not let the things that had happened there "dominate the rest of my life." I suppose on a certain level that advice is good and true. But the fact of the matter is Iraq and the experiences there changed my life and me forever.

We recently moved - we live on post now in the southwestern US. I like it, there are a lot of conveniences to living right here. It also reminds me of living on a FOB - all of the things I must have are here. I can easily go a week without leaving the post. At night I walk the dogs up this hill near our home and I look out over the city and the highway heading north. I am reminded of the lights of Ramadi as the FOB sat is total secure darkness from my first tour. I am reminded of the lights of the trucks on Tampa heading north for Baghdad or south for Kuwait from my second tour. And as I think of Iraq I think of Holtom, Clever, and Werner. I think of Shannon, Grothe and Schwab. I think of my Soldiers that still are dealing with the wounds of their service and whose lives will never be the same.

After I walk back down the hill I walk around old post; around the parade field and the old barracks that are now a combination of offices and housing. Soldiers out of here fought a counterinsurgency of their own in the Indian Wars; they supported the punitive expedition to Mexico, and two infantry divisions trained here before shipping off for World War II. A lot of guys went, and lot of guys didn't come back. And those that came back weren't the same anymore. I'm not the same anymore.

So where do I find the balance for that grief and that pain. I long ago accepted that all the Badgers were not coming home alive; I could not change that. But what does that really mean? Acceptance and moving forward are not the same as forgetting; but remembering cannot be done without that touch of grief. I have no idea where that balance can be struck.

A life of grieving for my comrades does not seem healthy; neither though does compartmentalizing it to the point a movie sends me through the five stages of grief in a two hour period. I know not what the answer is; I guess it is just part of the Long Walk Home.

"This love burns inside me like the last light in the world"

Almost a four weeks ago, SSG Nickel was involved in an incident in Boise, Idaho. The sense of urgency has passed. How quickly most of return to normal. It is surreal.

I love the Soldiers I served with in Team Badger. Love has become so associated with sex in our culture that most men seem reluctant to admit that. I refuse to let our culture's reticence to admit to brotherly love to stand it the way of that admission. I want to you to know I love those Soldiers. A few of them were leadership challenges; a few of them did not get awards they felt they deserved; and I had to punish a few. None of that gets in the way of how I feel about them. I love them all.

Why do I feel that way?

When we were in Iraq those Soldiers saddled up in RG31's, Cougars, and Buffalos; they got in HUMVEEs and HEMITT wreckers. The drove from Ramadi to Balad to get supplies; they cleared the roads of Ramadi, Falluja, and Karma to ensure they had no IEDs on them. They did not always know why but they had the discipline and professionalism to do what they were asked.

PFC's and SPC's drove Husky's in tandemn to sweep for metallic objects.

At they end of the day they did all of this because I, as the Commander, asked them to do that.

I remember back to April and May of 2006. The Company went to the National Training Center at Fort Irwin, California for our first prep for Iraq. We spent four weeks running around the California desert getting to know each other. As we simulated dealing with irate Iraqi crowds SGT Jack and SGT John clawed at my webgear to keep me from getting sucked into a crowd of people that were angry at the US. I finally told them to let me go. SGT Jack told me they could not do this mission with a dead Commander.

On our first night out in Ramadi third platoon got out of their vehicles and hauled thousands of pounds of weapons and explosives into a central location to destroy.

When directed too do so, second platoon, just returned from Falluja, went on mission into Ramadi to escort a construction element so we could begin the process of taking the city back.

First platoon got on the road to escort supply elements for most of the tour and then when route clearance became plentiful, transitioned to a new and difficult mission.

The mechanics would work whatever hours were necessary to ensure the Soldiers going outside the wire had the right equipment and it was serviceable enough to do the mission.

Now, over two years later, one of our members sits in jail and it hurts to have him there. It hurts to go about my life with him sitting there. It hurts to return to normal when he is living every moment with what happened that night in Boise.

Who knows what happened that night in Boise? I'm a lawyer by education so I know there are issues that I can't answer for but I do know this - no one was killed - no one was hurt. And that means, regardless of whatever else happened, this can and should be fixed. If I could impart one over arching thing I learned from being in Iraq that is if no one is killed, if no one is permanently injured, a problem can be fixed.

Now people have been through worse than what SSG Nickel is going through. If he could speak to you SSG Nickel might say he has been through worse. But to me it is him. My Solider. And he is going through this. Right now.

So even though I can't do very much, I have provided an affidavit to his counsel and I am trying to raise money to pay them. And I think about him every chance I get.

But the stars are burnin' bright like some mystery uncovered

I'll keep movin' through the dark with you in my heart

My blood brother

I have raised about $300 - we need $3k right away and probably $20k ultimately. Times are tough all over but if you can seed $5 to us I would be eternally grateful.

The address is badger.six@gmail.com

"When They Come Back"

A friend of mine, the father Travis Patriquin, forwarded me this video.

It's by an artist named Derek Sholl. He's right - none of us came back the same.

And all of us are on our own Long Walk Home.

The George G. Nickel Fund - Your Urgent Assistance Needed

This is an urgent request for your assistance. Mores so than at any time since many of you started reading Badgers Forward, a Badger needs your assistance.

SSG George Nickel, the only survivor of the biggest attack on our company, is in the Ada County Jail, charged with some things that can only be related to his service in Iraq.

The good folks at the Idaho Veterans Network have established the George Nickel Fund. This fund will go to pay the legal fees that Staff Sergeant Nickel will incur as well as any other costs.

You can make your donation at any Wells Fargo Bank or you can send it to the branch where the fund was establsihed.

George G. Nickel Fund

Idaho Veterans Network Corporation

c/o Wells Fargo Bank

Idaho Center Branch

5607 E. Franklin Road

Nampa, Idaho 83687

you can also use PayPal and send it to badger.six@gmail.com. This is my personal PayPal account, but will see it gets to the Nickel fund.

Any assistance you can provide will be greatly appreciated.

"It's gonna be a Long Walk Home."

For those of you who were readers of Badgers Forward, it's great to have you reading my blog again. For those of you that are new to my writing welcome.

I started thinking about blogging again in early May, but I had trouble figuring out exactly what I wanted to do and truth be told, I still am not sure what direction this blog will take but the events of last week made it necessary to start writing again.

The name of the blog is not very original. Martha Raddatz wrote a book about coming from Iraq entitled The Long Road Home as did Garry Trudeau. Mr. Trudeau you may remember sponsored The Sandbox. The Teflon Don and I both contributed to that book and the online version.

My inspiration thought was the Bruce Springsteen song.

My father said "Son, we're lucky in this town
It's a beautiful place to be born
It just wraps its arms around you
Nobody crowds you, nobody goes it alone.
That you know flag flying over the courthouse
Means certain things are set in stone
Who we are, what we'll do and what we won't.

My goal is to update twice a week or so. There a large number of things to talk about when it comes to the issues of reintegration and what we do for our veterans.

Leave your comments, email me about what you are interested in, and we will take this walk together.